The Double-Edged Sword of Feedback: How to Handle It and When to Ignore It

As a regular speaker and seminar leader, I’ve noticed an interesting trend: no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible to address the needs of every participant in the room. This phenomenon has led me to explore the topic of feedback—specifically, when it’s useful and when it’s simply noise. Is feedback a valuable tool for improvement, or is it sometimes just unnecessary clutter? Let’s dive into this.

I often give certified coach training programs that span 30 days, working with groups of around 12 participants. The majority of the feedback I receive is positive. People appreciate the way I blend empathy and structure, creating an engaging and fun environment with well-thought-out exercises. They enjoy the little creative touches, like integrating music into the sessions. But then, occasionally, there’s feedback that’s more critical—like being too “scientific” in my teaching style. And the thing is, despite all the good feedback, it’s often the critical feedback that sticks out the most, even to colleagues who should know better.

This raises an interesting dilemma: when you’re a coach, a trainer, or in any position where feedback flows freely, how do you filter it? What’s worth paying attention to, and what should you ignore?

The seminar that changed my perspective

This reminded me of an experience I had years ago as a participant at an Aikido seminar. The teacher, a master from Japan, gave no flashy presentations, no visual aids, and spoke without much energy. By typical standards, it was a poorly executed seminar. But as I sat there, something clicked. The more I listened, the more I realized that the value of the seminar wasn’t in the teacher’s delivery—it was in how I approached the material.

The insights I gained came not from the teacher’s presentation style but from my own willingness to be engaged, to actively interpret and apply what was being said.

A lesson in quantum physics…

I had a similar experience in university. There was a quantum physics professor who stuttered frequently. His lectures were difficult to follow, but I stayed focused, determined to understand. And despite his struggles, I learned more from him than from any other professor.

This reinforced a simple truth:

The quality of learning depends as much on the student’s mindset as on the teacher’s delivery.

Feedback: A reflection of the giver, not the receiver.

That one critical piece of feedback about my coaching being “too scientific” taught me something valuable: feedback often reflects more about the person giving it than the person receiving it. Each participant brings their own expectations, emotional state, and beliefs about what makes a good seminar. What works brilliantly for one person might not resonate with another.

So, I became more discerning about the feedback I take to heart. Rather than letting broad, vague comments affect me, I started focusing on feedback that’s thoughtful and specific.

How I handle Feedback today

Now, when I ask for feedback, I do so with purpose. Instead of a blanket request like “How was the seminar?” I ask targeted questions: “Was the introduction engaging?” or “How could the exercises be improved?” That way, the feedback is clear and actionable.

I’ve also learned to filter feedback. Not every critique requires action, especially if it’s not constructive or specific. Feedback, after all, is just one perspective—and not all perspectives are equally valuable.

Lastly, I remind myself that even the best-designed seminar won’t please everyone. Just like my experience at the Aikido seminar, it’s as much about the participant’s mindset as it is about the content. As both a teacher and a learner, I still believe in the power of being open to the experience, and I continue to grow from that.

Final Thoughts…

So, a few years on, I still reflect on that one piece of feedback and the lessons it taught me. The most important? Feedback is a tool to help you grow—not a rule to follow blindly.

Feedback is a tool, not a rule.